warrior mamas

let me start this post by saying
that i know how blessed we are to have
two healthy kiddos
not a day goes by that i am not thankful
for this...
however
lately i have been waiting for the ball to drop
here is why...


in may of 2007
our big guy came down
with a reallllllllly high fever.
105.5
middle of the night
i could not get it down
he was not responding
we ended up in the er
once there, they gave him a double dose
of meds
it finally came down
and the doctor very kindly
looked at me and said,
"what is it about a high fever that bothers you?"
excuse me?
do i need to explain once again
that he was limp and unresponsive?
or did you miss that part?
for several days he carried a high fever
hovered right around 105
but we were able to bring it down each time.
the episode ends and we chalk it up to just getting sick.
over the course of the summer,
it happens a few more times
each time our ped tells us
'must be a virus'
fall sets in and we are starting to see a pattern
every 21 days this is happening
i keep track on a calendar.
i mention to ped
she must think i am nuts
she passes it off
i keep on her
after all
he is my son
i know him
this is not normal
november 2007
daddy takes him to ped
same fever, mouth sores, back pain
same same same
she says his ear is a little red
gives him heavy duty antibiotic
week after thanksgiving
worst episode
lethargic
not himself
not eating
fevers
we go back to ped
worried
once again
she is not attentive
i reminded her of the antibiotic he just took three weeks before
she tells me she did not prescribe him one
excuse me?
tells me i must have gotten it from a diff doctor
are you kidding me?
am i on candid camera?
i wanted to choke her
when i finally made her realize that in fact
she did give it it to us
she sat back in her chair and listened.
thanks...but about 4 months too late woman!
she listens to me tell her about the pattern
which i have told her everytime we've been
she finally hears me
she refers us to children's
after all of the bloodwork he has already had done
the last thing i want is for him to be poked and prodded more
we make the trip to children's
what a difference
for an hour
he listens to us
he really listens
it felt good
he gives us a possible diagnosis
nothing we cannot tolerate
but so many questions
still
not a lot known
and not a lot to do about it
conflicting theories
what to believe?
we head home
not thrilled with the treatment options
but at least we have a place to start.
we choose no treatment for the time being
let's see what happens next
gather more info
lucky for us
they have spread out in frequency
the last episode he had was 2 months ago
knock on every wood surface please!


but i walk lightly
so as to not disturb the fragile ball
i fear may drop at anytime
when he has an episode
it doesn't only effect him
it effects us all
and as a mom, i just want it all to go away
i know we are due
due for a week of fevers
and all that comes with it
and i know it can be much worse
but i don't know much worse
i know this
and i know it takes our poor guy down
and if this is as bad as it gets, thank goodness
but i still prefer none of it
it is a helpless feeling
i am sure many of you know it
to varying degrees
we all know it
we are all asked to be warriors for our kids on some level...


head on over to
one true, full time warrior mama
over at finding normal
cause she is one awesome woman
with the most beautiful kiddos!
how lucky her beauties are to have them as their mama!